Denomination Troubles

Well, I guess the one thing that I don’t understand at this point is why I am so strong in my faith as a Catholic (strong enough to know that I will never be anything else), and other people aren’t as strong in other Christian denominations.

Like, I have a friend who I’ve been talking about Catholicism and Christianity in general with, and he tells me that it doesn’t really matter what denomination he is, as long as it’s Christian. Why don’t I feel that way? Granted, I’m glad I don’t feel that way; but what about the Catholic Church makes me feel so secure in it?

You know it’s funny because I ask a lot of questions that I already know the answers to. The answer to the previous question is the Eucharist. The Eucharist has given me such a deep connection with Christ, it’s extremely hard to explain it in mere words.

But seriously, how can he be so lenient in what he believes? How can he say that he’d be willing to change denominations? I just don’t understand it. The views of you religion can just change overnight? I mean, I’m sure that isn’t what he meant, but quite honestly to me, that’s what it sounded like.

Also, what if another church of the same denomination doesn’t believe the same things that you do? What if you find your “new church” and you don’t agree with it? Are you still the same denomination? Or would you change your denomination because you don’t agree with it anymore?

I guess I’m just confused as to why someone would be so willing to change their denomination on what seems like a whim…

I am going to be Catholic the rest of my life. I want a Catholic husband (however, beggars can’t be choosers – I’d rather marry on on-fire Baptist than a luke-warm Catholic), and I’ll make damn sure my kids are raised Catholic (my husband knowing this before we decide to get married…).

Being Catholic has effected me in such a way that I can’t convince myself that “any other Christian denomination” would suit me fine too. It wouldn’t.

As I post this, the person I’m talking about is probably reading away, and he knows who he is… In any case, I know talking to him more about these kinds of things will only have one effect on me: It’s going to make me a stronger Catholic, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

In Christ and Mary,
Kate ❤

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Tantum Ergo Sacramentum (Down In Adoration Falling)

Tantum ergo Sacramentum

Veneremur cernui:

Et antiquum documentum

Novo cedat ritui:

Praestet fides supplementum

Sensuum defectui.

Genitori, Genitoque

Laus et iubilatio,

Salus, honor, virtus quoque

Sit et benedictio:

Procedenti ab utroque

Compar sit laudatio.

Amen.

Down in adoration falling,
Lo! the sacred Host we hail,
Lo! oe’r ancient forms departing
Newer rites of grace prevail;
Faith for all defects supplying,
Where the feeble senses fail.

To the everlasting Father,
And the Son Who reigns on high
With the Holy Spirit proceeding
Forth from each eternally,
Be salvation, honor blessing,
Might and endless majesty.
Amen.

Jesus, Lamb of God. Saving Love for all. Lord of Heaven and earth.

I bow to you.

I bow to you.

I bow to you.

I bow to you.

 

I guess no matter what point in my life I’m at, Tantum Ergo will always bring me back. I might not be fine. I might still be broken, as I am now, but they always put things in perspective for me. Always. It is such a declaration of faith andtrust and belief, that it is hard to ignore.

My favorite part has to be “Prastet fides supplementum, Sensuum defectui.” It explains what faith is and you can reject it all you want. But me? I choose to accept it.

Like I said, I’m not fine; but I have to rest in the Lord for a bit right now before I can figure it out.

In Christ and Mary,
Kate ❤

Vocation, Vocation, Vocation…

So lately, I’ve been asking a lot of questions that all lead me to the same core questions. It seems to be a matter of; “Why? When? How? Who?” and even more, “WHY?”

I know that for most of my life, I’ve been stupid. Let’s be honest, we all have. And now that I’m finally confronting myself with all of these questions, and not just going on what I feel, I’m coming to actually accept that I will always be asking why. It might not be about the same thing, but there will always be another question to be answered. Another “why?” placed in my lap for me to worry about.

Quite recently I’ve been questioning the path of my vocation. I have no clue where I will be three or five years down the road from now, and that truly scares me. Not knowing where I will be or how things will turn out. It really makes my bones shake. This fear is like being scared of spiders times one million. So many things and aspects of my life are unanswered, I just don’t know what to do with myself once I finish my degree.

Will I be go for a Masters? Will I fall in love? Become a mother? Or even scarier, a Sister, or possibly a Nun? Or will I remain single? Yet to have had an honest, open relationship with a true man of God in my life?

There are so many options, and I just don’t know what God wants me to do. Sometimes, I feel as if I’m just tapping into my emotions.

Let me explain… My parents divorced the summer between my sixth and seventh years in middle school. Obviously, you are just starting to “feel things” and discover yourself around then, and I don’t think that I ever got the chance to because I closed up after that happened… Honestly, it wasn’t until at least my senior year that I started truly feeling again, addressing my smothered emotions about my father and everything that happened when I moved to Tallahassee. It was hard, and I guess I’m still learning. Those six years took so many learning opportunities away from me, it’s just not fair. Even so, I can’t change it, and I don’t think that I would because even thought it’s hard where I am now, I like where I am. It’s a good place to be in. But all of that? That’s another story in itself.

My desire to find God’s Will has always been a challenge for me. I know that I’ve had experiences where I’ve felt God’s hand on my shoulder and known that I was where I was supposed to be. That warmth and reassurance when you just know that your will is aligned with God’s. It’s amazing. But I know that we can’t feel that all the time, or else it wouldn’t be so special when we do feel it.

But I still feel that I don’t know enough about myself or God to properly discern my vocation. Would I love to be a mother? Yes. I even want little boys. But would I say yes if my vocation called me to live a single life, or even to live it as a religious? My first reaction is that I would not be willing, yet, I say that I am willing to do anything for God.

I guess it comes down to the question of, “What are you willing to give up, in order to get closer to God?”

When I heard that in a homily, my immediate response was “my sexuality.” And as a woman that wants to be a mother, wouldn’t my sexuality be the one thing that I treasured most? The ability to carry two souls at once and as commanded by the Lord to “be fruitful and multiply.” If that’s what comes to mind when asked what I would sacrifice for the Lord, does that mean I’m called to religious life? Or is it just supposed to make me understand how precious being called to motherhood really is?

Yet, my other greatest fear is being alone, physically. I mean, I know that I am never alone and that the Lord is always with me, but one of my love languages is touch (most of the time anyway). So if this is one way I like to receive love, why would the Lord call me to be something that I believe to be so, for lack of a better word, alone? I know that as a Sister or Nun, you live in community with your other sisters, but I have come to realize that living in a community of sisters does not equal the love that I would get from a husband. They are different; and I desire the love of a husband.

Even more so, if I “find my delight in the Lord, he will give me my hearts desire,” what does that mean? I know what I think my desire is, but is that desire the same as what the Lord desire’s for me?

The final thing that it comes down to I guess is that I want my desire to be the Lord because he knows me better than I know myself. And to trust that He will give me what I need is hard, but I guess to trust is hard enough. Sometimes, I truly think we can’t figuratively spell “believe” without the “lie.” But I can try.

In Christ and Mary
Kate ❤

A Fresh Start

First of all, I would like to extend a warm welcome to anyone who reads this. I’m trying to track my experiences and what better way to do it than through a Word Press account? Feel free to read, comment, and reply on anything I post; it’s all up for discussion. I probably won’t post a lot, but when I do, it will be something for you to chew on, most likely. I hope by reading this, I can lead you closer to God and help you live a holier life. Keep in mind that I don’t mean to offend anybody when I write, but feel free to let me know if I do. My prayers are with you, and so is God. May he be with us on this journey as well.

In Christ and Mary,
Kate ❤